


Alone In The Dark

by ZeeIsGay



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Green Arrow - All Media Types
Genre: Arrow Season 5 spoilers, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Oliver, Hurt Oliver Queen, Literal Trigger Warning, Not Really?, OOC, Oliver Queen Has PTSD, Oliver Queen Whump, Pointless Oliver Whump, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self Harm, Shameless Oliver Whump, Slight OOC, Sort of? - Freeform, Suicidal Oliver, Suicidal Oliver Queen, Suicidal Thoughts, Whump, ha im funny, there's a gun, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 18:57:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11386362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeeIsGay/pseuds/ZeeIsGay
Summary: Takes place sometime after 5x17-5x18ish. Basically just sometime after "Prometheus" tortures Oliver. Oh yeah, there's Season 5 spoilers.  That's the only reason I called you-know-who by his alias. Anyway, this is just some pointless and/or shameless Oliver whump. There's hurt but no comfort, which usually isn't my kind of thing, but I'm pretty proud of how this turned out.Actual summary: Oliver's PTSD is finally catching up to him, and it ends up affecting him in some pretty bad ways.Spoiler alert (not for Arrow but for me): I'm bad at summaries.





	Alone In The Dark

Oliver held the gun in his hand, fidgeting with it. He was alone in the bunker, all the computers and lights shut off. Just him, the gun, and his thoughts alone in the dark. He’d changed all the security protocols, making sure that none of his friends could try to talk him out of what he was contemplating at that moment.

 

Ever since Adrian’s torture, Oliver hadn’t felt any emotions except absolute despair and depression. It had been two days since the torture, and despite his denial of PTSD, it was obvious that he was feeling it. He thought about what it would be like to die. He had felt the edge of death, back when Ra’s Al Ghul put a sword through his chest, but he never felt actual death before. Obviously, since he was sitting there, alive, with a gun in his hand, that could change the fact that he never felt death before.  

 

Just to see, Oliver released the gun’s safety, cocked it, and lifted it up against his temple. He made sure to not even have his finger near the trigger, but he wanted to know how it would feel to end his own life. It was funny, if he actually pulled the trigger, he would be dying the same way that his father did. And that’s how his whole crusade came to be; his father’s suicide. It would be hysterical if his own suicide was how it were to end. 

 

Oliver decided to go a little farther, and set his finger against the gun’s trigger, it still pushed against his temple. What if he went even farther? What if he grabbed a piece of paper off of Felicity’s desk and wrote a note to everyone about how he’s a killer and deserves to die? It would be interesting, for sure. And that’s why Oliver put the gun on the steps, took a blank piece of copy paper, and grabbed an envelope opener that they never used. He didn’t see any pencils nearby, so he would have to make his own ink.

 

He dug the envelope opener into his palm, wincing as blood slowly pooled into his hand. He dipped his right index finger into the small pool of blood, and started to sloppily write a note.

 

_ I never should- _ **_dip_ ** _ -have done any- _ **_dip_ ** _ -of this. It’s- _ **_dip_ ** _ -all my fault. As long- _ **_dip_ ** _ -as I’m alive, you’re- _ **_dip_ ** _ -all in danger. Thank you- _ **_dip_ ** _ -for standing by me.  _ **_dip_ ** _ -I love you all.  _

 

Oliver haphazardly signed his name with one last dip into the slowly drying pool of blood in his left hand, and brought the note over to the steps with him. Was he really going to do this? Adrian Chase was still alive. But then again, he had already won. There wasn’t anything else Oliver could do but end it his own way. It would benefit him and everyone around him. Oliver wouldn’t have to feel the constant pain anymore, and everyone he cared about would no longer be in danger. 

 

He picked up the gun for the second time, put it against his temple, and just lightly rested his finger on the trigger. Before he knew it, it had been two whole minutes, and his arm was hurting. He once again set the gun on the steps, and looked at his note. What was the point of having a note, anyway? Oliver ripped up the note, the small, red-stained pieces of paper falling to the floor. 

 

Oliver sighed. He was never going to actually shoot himself. Of course not, he was just selfish like that. Suddenly filled with anger, Oliver grabbed the envelope opener and dug it into his barely-starting-to-heal-palm, causing it to bleed again. He kept going until the blood was gushing from the wound, dripping down his arm and onto the ground. Realizing what he had just done, Oliver rushed over to where they kept the medical supplies, and dressed his self-inflicted wound. Afterward, he cleaned up his arm, and put the gun away.

 

Death would have to wait. After all, Adrian was still alive, and so was he. And as long as Oliver was alive, there would be someone to stop Adrian.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, I could have sworn this was longer on google docs. Oh well. Hope you enjoyed, it would be greatly appreciated if you left a review. They make me feel happy. Thanks.
> 
> -Zee <3


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